Driving 101 - A List That Never Gets Old

I have a padlock somewhere in this house that I can not remember the combination to, but I know that I wrote it in a blog posting YEARS ago on MySpace. I know, right? So on one of my tangents (A.D.D. moments) today, I decided to try to find the Word doc it was in. I found it (but not the padlock when I started looking) and I also found the following, bonus post for the week. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did! 

Thursday, July 17, 2008 

Driving 101 Current mood:  smart Category: Life I drive like I own the road, and I know it.  So here are some pointers for the rest of you so we can all get along. The basics: 1. Your registration sticker belongs in the lower left hand corner of your rear license plate.  That is the only place it should be. 2. You actually do need a rearview mirror. 3. You can not see other drivers if your windows are made of duct taped plastic. 4. There really is such a thing as a blind spot. Please check it before you move into my car.  Traffic signs and signals: 1. When your left turn arrow goes from yellow to non-existent, please refrain from pulling out in front of me, as I tend to gun it as soon as my light turns green. 2. Green right turn arrows do not mean STOP. 3. A yield sign just means slow down and look for traffic, not stop and make a phone call. 4. There will have to be a physical demonstration at a later date on what to do at a 4 way stop intersection, with emphasis on roads with 2 lanes in each direction. You people are morons. On the interstate: 1. The HAMMER LANE is defined on Urbandictionary as "A trucker term used to describe the passing lane on a highway. The fast lane."  This is the left lane for you idiots that don't realize that. There are signs clearly posted "SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT". GET OUT OF MY WAY! 2a. On-ramps are for increasing your speed to generally match that of traffic on the interstate, not lollygagging around. The accelerator is that pesky vertical pedal on the right. Become intimate with it so you have no problem punching it on the ramp. I understand gas costs money, but seriously, so does the medical procedure to remove your head from your ass. 2b. If a ramp does not proudly boast a yellow sign stating the appropriate speed, you can continue at the speed at which you were traveling prior to merging onto the ramp. Really. I'm serious. 3. PICK A LANE!! Miscellaneous: 1. Vehicles don't come standard with turn signals just so you can have the color orange on your car. 2. Some people can walk and chew gum at the same time. Some people can't. If you are one of the latter, you can not drive and do any of the following; talk on the phone, look through your cd collection, eat, drink or screw around with your iPOD or MP3 player. You are one of the unfortunate souls who has to use all (few) brain cells for one action at a time. I'm sure in the near future there will be a Driving 101 part 2, because every day I see something I need to add to the list.  Please print this list out and refer to it often (at least those of you who can chew gum and walk at the same time).