Boys, Oh Boys...

Oh, where has the time gone?

I was blessed (and cursed) by bearing two sons. Jake is 14 going on 84. Tyler is 10 and is actually pretty cool when he’s not saying, “But, MOOOOOOM!”

I think all of you know I've been divorced, and the boys were the product of my first marriage. Most of you know they live with their dad almost 2 hours away in Des Moines. It’s a sore subject for me, because we were already divorced amicably, but I lost my job and had to move or live out of my car. I chose the former and was punished financially and emotionally by a year long court battle that I received absolutely NOTHING out of except heartache and debt. He got everything he wanted and more.

This weekend has been frustrating on many levels. It’s a 3 day weekend for the boys, so they are here until tomorrow. That’s been pretty nice not to feel so rushed. However, we have a lot to do since the next time I see them, we will drive across the country to South Carolina for Spring Break, and I can already imagine the arguing and fighting and complaining that I will hear in the car on the way there and back. We've never driven so far together in a car before. We've always rented a van, but this time the vacation is long, and the cost of the van is outrageous.

This weekend Ty has argued with me about wearing a heavier coat, eating snacks, watching TV, and has whined constantly about all the things he wants to be doing because he is bored. This is while looking at pictures of Hawaii from my parents’ recent vacation, and after having gone ice skating and to the play “Clue”. His favorite phrase this weekend is, “Mom? Oh wait. I was gonna ask you something but I just know you’ll say no. You never say yes.” Ugh.

Jake, on the other hand, has always been a complainer. He thinks everyone is stupid, especially his little brother, and everything sucks. He’s a grumpy old man trapped in a teenager’s body. Always has been. His life is just horrible according to him. He hates school. He hates summer. He hates reading. He hates his brother. He hates chores. He thinks homework is boring. 

I got a text from his dad tonight: “Check ur email & rip into Jake for his bullshit grade in math. I will be talking to him when he gets home. He won’t be doing anything but studies & homework until his grades r up.” So we got online and checked his grades. D in math. D in Social Studies. F in Technology. I ask him what Technology Class is and he can’t explain it to me. “It’s kinda difficult to explain (mumble, mumble). I hate technology.” He also says, “I hate computers.” Oh dear Lord. He is in TROUBLE. That’s all his future holds. Technology and computers. This is why he is an 84 year old man.

While we were on Infinite Campus (the site his school uses to post grades, late assignments, the calendar, etc.) we looked at his missing assignments. Some of them he didn't even know what they were. Some he said he never received. Yet he doesn't think about checking this website every day to see what is missing so he can follow up with his teachers (because he hates computers).  He had several assignments that were 8 days late. I wanted to strangle him.

During the text conversation with his dad, his dad said: “Gunna try his meds again. See if that helps. If it does, he’ll be on it for school.” This is a man who has worked at a pharmacy for 18 years. I had to argue and fight and scream for Jake to be put on medication the first time around, and I don’t understand why he was taken off. I said as much, and his reply was, “I took him off because he was doing such an awesome job in school & keeping his grades up to A’s & B’s. 1^st half of the school year at least.” My thought was WHAT SCHOOL YEAR? And Yes, genius idea to take him off of something that is helping. Because if he is talking about this school year, his first term grade point average was 2.7. That does not equal all A’s and B’s. But then again, we’re talking to someone who probably didn't have an A in anything except P.E. He also didn't complete college (he spelled it “collage” when talking about the boys’ college fund) and had to take the pharmacy tech exam more times than you can count on one hand to pass. I’m no PhD, I don’t have a Masters either, but I don’t write “ur” or “gunna” or “ya” even when texting. It makes me CRAZY. And nauseous thinking this man is in charge of the boys and their education.

Jake has to get all of his missing assignments completed if he wants to go to Jeff Dunham on Wednesday night (his birthday present) to see Walter the puppet (his identical twin - in thought at least.) I will be incredibly sad if I have to find someone else to go.

I have no idea if I frustrated my parents this much. I loved to read (still do) and enjoyed school, and did well without being reprimanded. My brother was another story though. I don’t think anything got through to him, and I worry it will be the same thing for Jake. Nothing will work. He might regret it when he’s older. He might not care if he’s happily ensconced in his dad’s basement, sucking down beer and playing video games at age 35. I don’t know. I’d like to say it’s not my problem, because according to the courts, it’s not. But he’s still my kid and I still want to do whatever I can, limited as my options are, to help him succeed and ultimately be happy in life, if that’s even a possibility for that 14 year old grumpy old man.