(Wo)Man's Best Friend

When we first started dating, Eric and I bonded over our love of dogs. I had had two dogs growing up that I adored. The second one, Poppy, a "mostly" miniature Schnauzer was so awesome that my parents refused to get another dog because it just hurts so much to lose them. 

I kept bugging Eric about getting a dog, and he finally agreed that after we got married we could get one. He had told me a name he's always wanted for a dog was Swisher (as in the cigar brand) and I told him that ever since I'd had a daycare lady who owned a Boxer, I'd wanted one. The "fawn" coloring looks like a cigar, so it was perfect. We were married April 1st, 2011, and I started scouring the internet looking for a new family member. 

I found a farm near Lawler, IA that May that had 8 week old puppies for sale. When we pulled up, there were about 12 puppies lined up along a chain link fence staring at us and wiggling their butts. Eric said to me, "I want them all." He's such a softy. 

There were 2 adult females that  had gone into heat at the same time, and one male, all living on the farm. I think one of the females had 9 puppies and the other had 3. Something close to that anyway. The owner let the puppies out into the yard so we could play with them and choose which one we wanted. It was an incredibly tough decision, but came down to these factors:

• We wanted a male
• We wanted fawn coloring (which I think most of them were)
• The one we picked did not chew on me as much as the other puppies
• He had a spade shape on the back of his neck and we were really into playing poker at that time
• And Eric was able to flip him over on his back and he didn't struggle

And so we chose our Swisher (who was also given the middle name Amadeus).

They were ALL this cute. It really was hard not to take them all. 

He was left at the farm, since I had to leave for Chicago in a few weeks and thought it would be a little too much for Eric to have to take care of his new step sons and a new puppy for several days straight. So after I got home from Chicago, the boys and I went on a secret road trip to pick him up and they were SO surprised and happy! 

Swisher was a pretty good puppy. He was almost completely house trained when he came to live with us. He had a little shoe fetish though, and I lost several pair of shoes to him. I think he felt bad. 

Now he won't chew on anything unless he feels sick and there is no grass around. Then he eats belts from coats, his toy ropes, and towels. 

While Eric was working on foreclosed homes, Swisher would go with him and have adventures running around on farms and being forced to take pictures like this: 

He is an AWESOME traveler, and even driving to Phoenix, Los Angeles, Denver and home, you'd forget he was even in the car with you he was so quiet and chill. He lets us dress him up, even though he seems embarrassed. 

He's a very good sport.

We decided he needed a little sister in January of 2013. This time I got to pick out the name, and since we'd started a theme, I chose Zima (malt beverage no longer available). We just need a firearm name and the ATF theme is complete. She also had to receive a middle name, so I chose Anastasia. 

I again went online and found a litter of boxer puppies in Winterset, IA. The breeder wanted people to come pick out their boxer puppy at 2 weeks of age, and then come back and pick them up at 8 weeks. By the time we were able to get to her to pick one out, there were only 2 females left, a brindle and a fawn. We wanted the brindle just to have something different. I did not like picking out a puppy that young because they have no personality yet, and you have no idea what they will be like. I was right to be worried. 

"She has a smart bump," they said. Uh huh. 

I went to pick Zima up on my dad's birthday, March 13th. I put her in my car and she looked at me and barked. Swisher hadn't barked for a couple of weeks after we'd brought him home, so I knew I was in trouble. The drive to Cedar Falls from Winterset is 3 hours. I stopped 3 times for her to go outside, and she peed all 3 times. That, however, did not stop her from peeing on my passenger seat as well. She finally fell asleep in my lap, and although she is much too big now, I think she would prefer to be there while traveling. 

The long ride home.

We introduced her to Swisher and she immediately took over the house. She started played tug-o-war with him even though he could swing her little 8 pound body around. She chewed on his face. She took his bones. She ate his food, so we gave up and let them both have adult food. She also snuggled with him. 

Bosom buddies.

They are best friends. They run together. They play together. They take turns watching each other eat. She is still the dominant one and will take anything he has, and he lets her 99.9% of the time because he loves her. The other .01% he's just being a grumpy old man and is frankly sick of taking shit from her. 

They LOVE the snow too!

Zima is definitely one of a kind. I wanted to get rid of her as a puppy though. She peed and pooped on everything for a couple of months. It didn't matter how many times I took her out. We ended up having to get a kennel for her because she loved to tear up boxes of tissue, papers, cardboard, and any plastic she could get her teeth on. The kennel has been gone for a few months now, but you still need to do a check around the house for things she might chew up. She's chewed up numerous eye drop bottles and chap stick tubes. If she greets you at the door, all is well. If she hides under the dining room table, you know you need to start looking for what she did. She is a sock thief, she likes to hide under the bed, and she LOVES tennis balls and frisbees. It doesn't matter what is going on or who might be around. If you pull out a tennis ball, you have her attention 100%. Swisher is all about lasers. Zima is all about balls. (Get your minds out of the gutter you dirty scoundrels!) She is FAST. She is a jumper. And she loves to chase kids on sleds. Did I mention she is FAST? 

Our Boxers are awesome. They LOVE our parties. They love people. They love other dogs. They LOVE kids. Even though they've been sleeping with you for the past 8 hours, when you wake up and they see you, their little nubs start wagging, taking their butts with them. They do something called kidney beaning, where they bend in half and continue to walk (usually sideways at this point) and wiggle their tails. They are clowns. They box each other and like to box all dogs, but most other dogs will have none of it. They play tag with each other and have figured out that they don't have to chase each other all the way around the house. Zima stops and turns around because she knows where Swisher will come out on the other side. They do the same with the back garage. One on one side, one on the other... and they will tease each other running back and forth, but never around, until they spot each other and give chase. 

If you don't like dog hair, or don't like to be licked, or loved on, or sat on... then you might want to avoid our house. Because we have a couple of dogs that love to show you how much they love you, even if you are a stranger. 

Window buddies staying warm on a sunny winter day.

Swisher and Zima have their own Facebook page if you would like to follow them. There are so many more pictures and videos there. Swisher and Zima.

I am glad we have them, even though I know how incredibly difficult it will be to lose them. They are a part of the family. They show you unconditional love. They are dogs. And dogs are awesome. 

Let's Get This Party Started!

Here at Myszkaville, we love a good party. Which is why we have so many. I thought it would be nice to give a little insight about the evolution of these parties, and a little of the planning that goes into them.




Our summer party started as a general beach party. It morphed into a 60's beach party. Then an 80's beach party. Then it turned into a White Trash Bash after getting the idea from a movie. I think we like this one the most, just because people can dress down, it's hilarious, and has only ended in gunfire once. 
60's Beach Party

80's Beach Party

The party is outdoors. Kids are welcome. We provide hotdogs, chips and sodas. It's a BYOB party, so it doesn't cost a lot to host. We trash the yard a little and get wood for a couple of fire pits. It's easily the most laid back party we throw. It rained a little for the 2014 party so it wasn't quite as fun, and then there was a completely unrelated shooting up the street late that night. I hope this next summer's party has much less excitement.


1st WTB
2nd WTB (this party attracts the trashiest neighbors)




This past summer, unbeknownst to Eric, exactly 4 weeks after the White Trash Bash, I had a secret half birthday party planned for him. I had been planning this party for over a year. I set up a secret Facebook event and tried to get in touch with everyone I could. Since his birthday is near Christmas, and he was turning 40, I thought it would be easier to celebrate during Sturgis Falls weekend since most of our friends come home that weekend. The weather wasn't particularly cooperative, but some key people were able to come that made it a success. Eric's brother Woody and family came up from San Antonio. This was a week after they moved into a new house. Despite their chaos, they came to help celebrate. I told Eric I secretly asked them to come to Sturgis Falls, and that's all he knew. Same goes with a friend of his from California, Jerrod. With the help of a few friends on food duty, and his mother on arrival duty, we were able to delay his coming home after the parade which gave me a little extra time. Some friends hid behind the garage and when he arrived home, I pulled him out of the Tahoe before he could ask why a tent was set up and everyone screamed, "SURPRISE!" from behind the garage. Eric has always said he doesn't believe in half birthdays, and every time he said it, I got to think to myself, well you will this year. It was stressful but fun, and I'm glad it is just a one time gig. 









We have thrown 6 Toxic Waste parties here at Myszkaville. The first had 1 keg and an attendance of 34 people. The last had 2 kegs of beer, 107 attendees and a port-o-potty, for which our single toilet house is very grateful. 




The idea for the party started when Eric was working on foreclosed homes and at one house we found a giant metal barrel. We had already discussed having a Halloween party, and Eric wanted a theme since he used to help host a party when he lived in California. We decided on Toxic Waste, since that's what the barrel looked like. We painted it yellow and added a skull and crossbones and a toxic symbol to it. It's where you can find one of the kegs.




With junk from houses, jugs from RV antifreeze used in the winterizing of the foreclosed homes and Eric's poor Monte Carlo that had been crushed by a tree in a storm the summer before, the setting was complete. We provided food and beer, and Eric almost died trying to finish the keg by himself late that night. We used to rent tall tables and a popcorn machine, but now own those things since the party just keeps getting bigger. 



















For a Toxic Waste 2 he built a nuclear reactor that lights up and blows out smoke. 









For Toxic Waste "3 Mile Island Meltdown" he built the Moon Tower which holds a disco ball, a projector, and a DVD player.






For Toxic Waste 4 "Fallout" he painted a friend's really old truck.






 

For Toxic Waste 5 he made a giant clock for the Five Minutes Til Midnight theme. 









For Toxic Waste 6 he built a rocket to go with the theme China Syndrome, as well as a large sign reading TOXIC that stands on the roof of the garage. He assures me nothing will be built for Toxic 7. I don't believe him. 









Eric starts getting ready for the party over a month in advance. He starts pulling out all of the outdoor decorations from storage and starts setting them up. It takes quite a long time for him to get things the way he wants them. I can bet on not seeing him much for the month of October or the duration of the set up, whichever is longer. 




The inside decorations took longer the first couple of years, but since the party is really outside, we don't do as much. We remove the dining room table and put in a bar height table for people to stand around. We used to set up the basement, but it's so crowded with work stuff, and no one ever went down there we don't bother anymore. We do clean up my semi attached garage though and turn it into a bar area. I get hot dips and meatballs to feed those poor drunken souls, and this last year we had a HUGE treat when someone brought 210 Scratch cupcakes with them. This past year we also asked for donations, because we put a helluva lot of effort and money into that party. Any donations went directly into the Toxic Waste fund and will be used to make Toxic 7 even better.




Since 2012/2013 NYE was a kid free year, I wanted to throw a fabulous dress up party. This is the one party Eric likes to be a part of, but doesn't understand my level of desired ambiance. I want fancy food and drink and music and a great atmosphere. We put Christmas lights on the ceiling for ambient light, remove the dining table, use real wine glasses, have fancy cheeses and other heavy appetizers. The part of this party that sucks is that we have room for only about 20 people in our house. So we have to cull the invitation list. And we have too many awesome friends. So I start with neighbors that can walk home, and others I think will be able to make it, and go from there. 2014/2015 NYE I wanted to do something different and have a murder mystery party. It was a lot of fun while it was happening but planning was a bitch because people HAD to show up. So I had to harp on people to see if they were coming, rearrange parts to make sure key characters were covered, and I probably pissed off some people as they weren't the first ones asked. So as much as I love the NYE party, because I get to dress up and be fancy, I equally detest it because of the size of our house and the limited guest list. Although...I'm not sure I could afford fancy food and drinks for more people! 









Big Projects




So we tend to get projects done around our house when a party date is looming. We built the main part of the deck before the beach party. It looked like a dock, so it was perfect. We finished it for the Toxic Waste party. I decided I wanted the house to "look" like a winter wonderland for the Glitter and Snow Ball, so between Christmas and NYE of 2012, we painted the living room and dining room a pale blueish green color which I wanted anyway, but thought was a good excuse to get it done because that color is much more relevant to the party than the beige walls were. That party saw a lot of damage to the carpet in the way of red martinis, so once we purchased the house in March of 2014 I started ripping it up. There was no quarter round and there was still carpet under the TV when we realized we needed to get it taken care of before the 2014 NYE party. I had also dreamed of painting a wall full of birch trees. There was no better time the right before the party, so I painted the walls, we removed the carpet, put in a lot (but not all) of the quarter round, changed out kitchen light fixtures, changed out the dining room light fixture and painted the kitchen and installed tin ceiling tiles as back splash. That last project is not fully completed, as I realized I was running out of time pre-party...so it might take until Toxic Waste 7. Pictures of these latest projects will come in a separate blog post. 




I hope everyone who has ever attended a Myszkaville party has enjoyed themselves. We enjoy planning and hosting them. In closing I'd like to paraphrase one of my favorite movies: Be excellent to each other and ... PARTY ON, MYSZKAVILLE!

Am I Really A Grinch?

I am not a fan of Christmas. AT ALL. I worked too many years in retail and heard WAY too much Christmas music. 

Don't get me wrong. I like the family gatherings and seeing friends in town that I would not get to see if not for the holiday. I like that MOST people are in a better mood or at least more forgiving around the holidays. But this is what I dislike:

* The huge drain on my bank account because of the universal expectation of gift giving. I love giving my friends and family gifts. But I start thinking about what to get them in the spring, and I find perfect gifts. Then I can't stop myself from adding on and adding on when I see other perfect gifts as the year passes. If we just gave at birthdays, I wouldn't have this problem. Or, if random gift giving with no expectations at Christmas was the norm, I would be FINE. That one is totally my fault though.

* Christmas Creep. Stores get in their Christmas merchandise earlier and earlier. Hobby Lobby had Christmas product in their stores in JUNE. This is more than 6 months out. Most others have Christmas stuff up before Halloween is even over. And THAT is my favorite holiday and I don't appreciate the creeping of pine trees and ornaments into my spider webs and pumpkins. 

* Christmas music on November 1st (or earlier). Last year I couldn't bring myself to listen to any Christmas music except "Straight No Chaser" singing A cappella about a day before Christmas Eve. This year is a little better with the discovery of the "Holiday Party" station on Slacker radio. But still, a girl can only take so much. 

* STUFF. I buy all the stuff I want. I have nothing to put on a list for anyone, so I end up getting stuff I don't need or want. Then I feel bad because someone spent time finding me a gift and spent their money on the gift, but I don't care about it. The (old Catholic) guilt is a little overwhelming. I ask for gas cards and grocery cards because that is stuff I actually NEED, but it's never exciting enough for the giver. In turn, I want to buy people what they NEED also, but then I feel like a douche because Jake opened a package with underwear and Ty got more socks. They are just going to have to deal with it because it can't all be toys and candy. 

* SIX CHRISTMASES! Children of divorced parents have it rough. Yes, they would like their parents to still be together. And it sucks. However, when those parents find other spouses, there are now SIX CHRISTMASES for those children to enjoy. Christmas with dad, dad's family, and step-mom's family. Christmas with mom, mom's family and step-dad's family. It makes it incredibly tough to buy them ANYTHING because I already know they are getting SO MUCH. And just because they are dealing with divorce, doesn't mean they deserve so much STUFF. 

* Rearranging my house. My living room is pretty small. The only way I can get a tree in is to move around my furniture. This year I decided to forego the whole tree thing, mostly because I had some home improvement projects like painting a birch tree mural and putting in quarter round, and we're having a small gathering New Year's Eve, and the tree would have to be down before that. So I've turned Jake's "big" present into our tree. 

* The Myth of Christmas. So... not to rock the boat or anything, but Christmas isn't a REAL holiday. It's on the calendar as the birth of Christ, but even Christian scholars don't believe that is the day Jesus was born. I've seen March, April, September and November being suggested as His real birthday because NO ONE can agree on anything except it's NOT December 25th. The reason the Roman Catholic church chose that day is because of Saturnalia and Winter Solstice. Saturnalia was an ancient pagan Roman festival celebrating the deity of Saturn. December 25th was also the first noticeable day after the Winter Solstice that seemed to have longer daylight. The church chose December 25th because it was much easier to take a date already celebrated (with debauchery) and turn it into a holy day, rather than come up with an entirely new date. Gift giving was actually part of Saturnalia, so you can thank those devious pagans for that tradition. 

Now, I am off to continue cleaning my house, getting out my New Year's greeting cards (in lieu of Christmas cards this year) and working on my latest home improvement project, all while listening to the Holiday Party station on Slacker. See? I'm not all Grinchy. I'll leave that to my eldest child. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Turning Tricks for Treats?

I LOVE Halloween. LOVE IT! It's my favorite holiday. Good thing too, because I married a guy who is a FREAK about it. We have a yearly party called Toxic Waste. This all started because Eric used to work on foreclosed homes, and we had access to A LOT of crap. Old tires and batteries, junked out furniture, and lots of empty containers from RV antifreeze he had to put down the drains to winterize. 

I try to plan my costume well ahead of the party. I knew by last year's party what I was going to be this year. And I think I know what I am going to be next year already. Last year was my favorite, as I suckered 5 other people into dressing up like Clue Characters with me. 

Shane (Professor Plum) and Molly (Miss Scarlet) Kahler, Me (Mrs. Peacock),
Eric (Colonel Mustard), Krista (Mrs. White) and David (Mr. Green) McNurlen

One year I wanted to go as the Fun Police, but I could not find a female costume that was not slutty, and I didn't think the male costumes would fit right. I ended up as a "pop art" piece.

Not my favorite. But fairly original. And as a bonus my hoo-ha was not hanging out. 

I find that as a LARGE woman (I want to say "girl" but I think at a month shy of 40 I should stick with "woman") there is very little out there for me in the way of off the rack costumes. Which is fine. Because it makes me think harder to come up with something better. 

However, I have SO MUCH FUN looking up what crazy ass costumes are available to women now, that I just had to post a blog about it, complete with awesomely horrible photos that will make you question your faith in humanity. Here we go!

Let's start with the category: Ruining My Childhood with these "Retro Yarn Dolls." Or for those who don't recognize them: Cabbage Patch Dolls.

And for Cory... who could've had a Sexy Bert to go with his Ernie a few years ago: 

Every summer as a kid we'd travel to northern Minnesota where we would see Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox... that looked NOTHING like this... If Paul Bunyan was real, he'd be rolling over in his grave.

I can NEVER look at the Muppets the same again:

Or Scooby Doo (this is just all kinds of wrong):

Or my beloved Ninja Turtles (pre-Michael Bay):

Let's move on to the Food & Beverage category. Because who doesn't think food is sexy? 

We'll start with Beverages. I have always dreamed of being a bottle of Schlitz beer... 

If that doesn't thrill you, maybe this sexy array of condiments will get your mouth watering:

No? Fruits and veggies maybe? 

Or maybe fast food is more your speed?

I love the hamburger. She's all, "You want fries with this? Didn't think so!" 

Slightly related, but in the category of WTF... a female version of Ronald McDonald. Again I say WTF? I'm going to have nightmares.

Now that I made you vomit in your mouth a little... We're going back to the Food & Beverage Category... sub category Other Foods (this one's for Eric). Because who doesn't want to be a fortune cookie? Or Popcorn? 

Speaking of cookies, let's move onto another sub category: Sweets! Having worked in a candy store in high school and college, I am just LOVING (sarcastic font) these costumes! I should see if they have plus size... 

Now let's focus on Disney. Every little girl wants to be a Disney princess, right? Well, how about Snow White? She was a total babe. 

If you don't want to be a princess, you can be Mike or Sully from Monsters' Inc., Nemo, Buzz Lightyear, or Mickey or Minnie Mouse!

I seriously can't believe how many of these costumes are out there... I just checked my picture file, and I have a few more. 

Under the sea:

LOVE the placement of the eyes on the jelly fish. Creatures that sting, bite and pinch you sure are SEXY. I wouldn't get your "manhood" too close though... 

And FINALLY let me present to you the Sci Fi Category and dare you to watch Star Wars without thinking of these lovely ladies. It could make a good porn, actually... 

There are more, but I think I am running out of room... and probably your attention span. Although, it is a lot of pictures and few words this time around. If anyone shows up to Toxic Waste VI with one of these costumes... you're going to freeze to death since the party is outside. But good for you for having the cojones to try to pull it off! 

The End Of Summer

I've been seeing some clients I haven't seen in awhile and they are still asking how my summer was. It seems like it was so far away now that the days are so short and it's gotten chilly. 

All I can tell them is that it went by REALLY fast but I can't really think about all the stuff that happened. So I took a look at the calendar and my Facebook pictures.  

Jake had football practice most of the summer, so for many weeks, I only had him Wednesday night through Sunday night. Other weeks he wasn’t here at all. We had a lot of quality time with Ty, even though he had 4 weeks of Camp CF that he loved.

The boys had their last day of school right before Memorial Weekend and came to Cedar Falls to start their summer vacation. At the end of May we threw our annual summer bash. We decided we liked the White Trash Bash so much that we would throw a second one. 

It started off rainy and ended “with a bang” as Eric says. There was an “incident” up the street, where a bunch of people from Waterloo broke into a house and had a party, and someone was shot. Not something that happens in this neighborhood very often. It’s usually pretty quiet except for some craziness from the college crowd. It shook us up for awhile, but all has calmed down in the 'hood. 

I had been secretly planning a surprise HALF birthday party for Eric for the past year (because NO ONE wants to celebrate birthdays that close to Christmas). With the help of many friends and family members, he was completely flabbergasted. We had people from California, Texas, New Jersey, Minnesota and Illinois here. We had people who rearranged travel schedules and others that came a few days after they moved. It was awesome and overwhelming, and I am SO glad they took the time to make it happen. I’m glad I spent the hours planning it, even if I had to miss out on Tyler’s art being shown at the Art Festival in Des Moines. Thankfully my parents were able to attend and take some photos for me.

We attended the wedding reception of our dear friend Mike and his new bride Lynn in Kansas City. We were also able to squeeze in some time with another high school friend of ours, JoAnn, who let us stay with her for the festivities.

We saved our neighborhood albino owl.

I played 2 woman volleyball all summer on Sundays. I played on a 6-woman team on Tuesday and another on Wednesday. It was my go-to exercise for the summer, because I did not seem to have the time to go on bike rides, there was some flooding on the trails, and my bike was broken for half the summer.

Eric and I went in with another couple to create an LLC company and bought our first rental property. I spent MANY hours painting that property and putting in carpet tile. I hope the renters like it.

I played in 2 mud volleyball tournaments. After the first one in Dunkerton, we took the dogs and the boys to Backbone for our annual summer trek through the trout stream.

We got to celebrate one of our favorite people’s 40^th birthdays. Krista’s was the first of many we will experience this year, since we are all getting OLD. Although 40 doesn’t really seem old now that we’re here.

We spent a day at Lost Island Water Park where I went on almost ALL the water slides including this one:

The boys and I were able to coerce my father into letting the dogs on his boat for our first and only trip out on the river this year. 

I went to the State Fair for the first time in MANY years with my friend Nikki. It was fantastic people watching and the food was great too. It was also an awesome surprise to run into one of my best friends and bridesmaids - Kim Stonehouse and her son Zach, who looked to have grown a full foot since I’d seen him last.

I got to meet some awesome new women at my friend Mandie's bachelorette party. It was a BLAST and I had over 5000 steps on my Fitbit from midnight until 1:30 in the morning when we finally decided to stop dancing. We MUST do that again. 

We took the dogs to the closing day at the aquatic center, and made an awesome video of their time there. You need to watch this:

We decided to squeeze in a SUPER quick trip to Texas over Labor Day Weekend. It was a blast, and the least we could do after Woody and Nova made it to Iowa for Eric’s party.

It was a REALLY fun summer. It went by WAY too fast. So fast, in fact, that I completely forgot to buy fresh sweet corn from a road side stand. I think this is the first summer that has ever happened. And I can’t let that happen ever again.  I hope your summer was just as awesome.