Let's Get This Party Started!

Here at Myszkaville, we love a good party. Which is why we have so many. I thought it would be nice to give a little insight about the evolution of these parties, and a little of the planning that goes into them.




Our summer party started as a general beach party. It morphed into a 60's beach party. Then an 80's beach party. Then it turned into a White Trash Bash after getting the idea from a movie. I think we like this one the most, just because people can dress down, it's hilarious, and has only ended in gunfire once. 
60's Beach Party

80's Beach Party

The party is outdoors. Kids are welcome. We provide hotdogs, chips and sodas. It's a BYOB party, so it doesn't cost a lot to host. We trash the yard a little and get wood for a couple of fire pits. It's easily the most laid back party we throw. It rained a little for the 2014 party so it wasn't quite as fun, and then there was a completely unrelated shooting up the street late that night. I hope this next summer's party has much less excitement.


1st WTB
2nd WTB (this party attracts the trashiest neighbors)




This past summer, unbeknownst to Eric, exactly 4 weeks after the White Trash Bash, I had a secret half birthday party planned for him. I had been planning this party for over a year. I set up a secret Facebook event and tried to get in touch with everyone I could. Since his birthday is near Christmas, and he was turning 40, I thought it would be easier to celebrate during Sturgis Falls weekend since most of our friends come home that weekend. The weather wasn't particularly cooperative, but some key people were able to come that made it a success. Eric's brother Woody and family came up from San Antonio. This was a week after they moved into a new house. Despite their chaos, they came to help celebrate. I told Eric I secretly asked them to come to Sturgis Falls, and that's all he knew. Same goes with a friend of his from California, Jerrod. With the help of a few friends on food duty, and his mother on arrival duty, we were able to delay his coming home after the parade which gave me a little extra time. Some friends hid behind the garage and when he arrived home, I pulled him out of the Tahoe before he could ask why a tent was set up and everyone screamed, "SURPRISE!" from behind the garage. Eric has always said he doesn't believe in half birthdays, and every time he said it, I got to think to myself, well you will this year. It was stressful but fun, and I'm glad it is just a one time gig. 









We have thrown 6 Toxic Waste parties here at Myszkaville. The first had 1 keg and an attendance of 34 people. The last had 2 kegs of beer, 107 attendees and a port-o-potty, for which our single toilet house is very grateful. 




The idea for the party started when Eric was working on foreclosed homes and at one house we found a giant metal barrel. We had already discussed having a Halloween party, and Eric wanted a theme since he used to help host a party when he lived in California. We decided on Toxic Waste, since that's what the barrel looked like. We painted it yellow and added a skull and crossbones and a toxic symbol to it. It's where you can find one of the kegs.




With junk from houses, jugs from RV antifreeze used in the winterizing of the foreclosed homes and Eric's poor Monte Carlo that had been crushed by a tree in a storm the summer before, the setting was complete. We provided food and beer, and Eric almost died trying to finish the keg by himself late that night. We used to rent tall tables and a popcorn machine, but now own those things since the party just keeps getting bigger. 



















For a Toxic Waste 2 he built a nuclear reactor that lights up and blows out smoke. 









For Toxic Waste "3 Mile Island Meltdown" he built the Moon Tower which holds a disco ball, a projector, and a DVD player.






For Toxic Waste 4 "Fallout" he painted a friend's really old truck.






 

For Toxic Waste 5 he made a giant clock for the Five Minutes Til Midnight theme. 









For Toxic Waste 6 he built a rocket to go with the theme China Syndrome, as well as a large sign reading TOXIC that stands on the roof of the garage. He assures me nothing will be built for Toxic 7. I don't believe him. 









Eric starts getting ready for the party over a month in advance. He starts pulling out all of the outdoor decorations from storage and starts setting them up. It takes quite a long time for him to get things the way he wants them. I can bet on not seeing him much for the month of October or the duration of the set up, whichever is longer. 




The inside decorations took longer the first couple of years, but since the party is really outside, we don't do as much. We remove the dining room table and put in a bar height table for people to stand around. We used to set up the basement, but it's so crowded with work stuff, and no one ever went down there we don't bother anymore. We do clean up my semi attached garage though and turn it into a bar area. I get hot dips and meatballs to feed those poor drunken souls, and this last year we had a HUGE treat when someone brought 210 Scratch cupcakes with them. This past year we also asked for donations, because we put a helluva lot of effort and money into that party. Any donations went directly into the Toxic Waste fund and will be used to make Toxic 7 even better.




Since 2012/2013 NYE was a kid free year, I wanted to throw a fabulous dress up party. This is the one party Eric likes to be a part of, but doesn't understand my level of desired ambiance. I want fancy food and drink and music and a great atmosphere. We put Christmas lights on the ceiling for ambient light, remove the dining table, use real wine glasses, have fancy cheeses and other heavy appetizers. The part of this party that sucks is that we have room for only about 20 people in our house. So we have to cull the invitation list. And we have too many awesome friends. So I start with neighbors that can walk home, and others I think will be able to make it, and go from there. 2014/2015 NYE I wanted to do something different and have a murder mystery party. It was a lot of fun while it was happening but planning was a bitch because people HAD to show up. So I had to harp on people to see if they were coming, rearrange parts to make sure key characters were covered, and I probably pissed off some people as they weren't the first ones asked. So as much as I love the NYE party, because I get to dress up and be fancy, I equally detest it because of the size of our house and the limited guest list. Although...I'm not sure I could afford fancy food and drinks for more people! 









Big Projects




So we tend to get projects done around our house when a party date is looming. We built the main part of the deck before the beach party. It looked like a dock, so it was perfect. We finished it for the Toxic Waste party. I decided I wanted the house to "look" like a winter wonderland for the Glitter and Snow Ball, so between Christmas and NYE of 2012, we painted the living room and dining room a pale blueish green color which I wanted anyway, but thought was a good excuse to get it done because that color is much more relevant to the party than the beige walls were. That party saw a lot of damage to the carpet in the way of red martinis, so once we purchased the house in March of 2014 I started ripping it up. There was no quarter round and there was still carpet under the TV when we realized we needed to get it taken care of before the 2014 NYE party. I had also dreamed of painting a wall full of birch trees. There was no better time the right before the party, so I painted the walls, we removed the carpet, put in a lot (but not all) of the quarter round, changed out kitchen light fixtures, changed out the dining room light fixture and painted the kitchen and installed tin ceiling tiles as back splash. That last project is not fully completed, as I realized I was running out of time pre-party...so it might take until Toxic Waste 7. Pictures of these latest projects will come in a separate blog post. 




I hope everyone who has ever attended a Myszkaville party has enjoyed themselves. We enjoy planning and hosting them. In closing I'd like to paraphrase one of my favorite movies: Be excellent to each other and ... PARTY ON, MYSZKAVILLE!

Am I Really A Grinch?

I am not a fan of Christmas. AT ALL. I worked too many years in retail and heard WAY too much Christmas music. 

Don't get me wrong. I like the family gatherings and seeing friends in town that I would not get to see if not for the holiday. I like that MOST people are in a better mood or at least more forgiving around the holidays. But this is what I dislike:

* The huge drain on my bank account because of the universal expectation of gift giving. I love giving my friends and family gifts. But I start thinking about what to get them in the spring, and I find perfect gifts. Then I can't stop myself from adding on and adding on when I see other perfect gifts as the year passes. If we just gave at birthdays, I wouldn't have this problem. Or, if random gift giving with no expectations at Christmas was the norm, I would be FINE. That one is totally my fault though.

* Christmas Creep. Stores get in their Christmas merchandise earlier and earlier. Hobby Lobby had Christmas product in their stores in JUNE. This is more than 6 months out. Most others have Christmas stuff up before Halloween is even over. And THAT is my favorite holiday and I don't appreciate the creeping of pine trees and ornaments into my spider webs and pumpkins. 

* Christmas music on November 1st (or earlier). Last year I couldn't bring myself to listen to any Christmas music except "Straight No Chaser" singing A cappella about a day before Christmas Eve. This year is a little better with the discovery of the "Holiday Party" station on Slacker radio. But still, a girl can only take so much. 

* STUFF. I buy all the stuff I want. I have nothing to put on a list for anyone, so I end up getting stuff I don't need or want. Then I feel bad because someone spent time finding me a gift and spent their money on the gift, but I don't care about it. The (old Catholic) guilt is a little overwhelming. I ask for gas cards and grocery cards because that is stuff I actually NEED, but it's never exciting enough for the giver. In turn, I want to buy people what they NEED also, but then I feel like a douche because Jake opened a package with underwear and Ty got more socks. They are just going to have to deal with it because it can't all be toys and candy. 

* SIX CHRISTMASES! Children of divorced parents have it rough. Yes, they would like their parents to still be together. And it sucks. However, when those parents find other spouses, there are now SIX CHRISTMASES for those children to enjoy. Christmas with dad, dad's family, and step-mom's family. Christmas with mom, mom's family and step-dad's family. It makes it incredibly tough to buy them ANYTHING because I already know they are getting SO MUCH. And just because they are dealing with divorce, doesn't mean they deserve so much STUFF. 

* Rearranging my house. My living room is pretty small. The only way I can get a tree in is to move around my furniture. This year I decided to forego the whole tree thing, mostly because I had some home improvement projects like painting a birch tree mural and putting in quarter round, and we're having a small gathering New Year's Eve, and the tree would have to be down before that. So I've turned Jake's "big" present into our tree. 

* The Myth of Christmas. So... not to rock the boat or anything, but Christmas isn't a REAL holiday. It's on the calendar as the birth of Christ, but even Christian scholars don't believe that is the day Jesus was born. I've seen March, April, September and November being suggested as His real birthday because NO ONE can agree on anything except it's NOT December 25th. The reason the Roman Catholic church chose that day is because of Saturnalia and Winter Solstice. Saturnalia was an ancient pagan Roman festival celebrating the deity of Saturn. December 25th was also the first noticeable day after the Winter Solstice that seemed to have longer daylight. The church chose December 25th because it was much easier to take a date already celebrated (with debauchery) and turn it into a holy day, rather than come up with an entirely new date. Gift giving was actually part of Saturnalia, so you can thank those devious pagans for that tradition. 

Now, I am off to continue cleaning my house, getting out my New Year's greeting cards (in lieu of Christmas cards this year) and working on my latest home improvement project, all while listening to the Holiday Party station on Slacker. See? I'm not all Grinchy. I'll leave that to my eldest child. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Turning Tricks for Treats?

I LOVE Halloween. LOVE IT! It's my favorite holiday. Good thing too, because I married a guy who is a FREAK about it. We have a yearly party called Toxic Waste. This all started because Eric used to work on foreclosed homes, and we had access to A LOT of crap. Old tires and batteries, junked out furniture, and lots of empty containers from RV antifreeze he had to put down the drains to winterize. 

I try to plan my costume well ahead of the party. I knew by last year's party what I was going to be this year. And I think I know what I am going to be next year already. Last year was my favorite, as I suckered 5 other people into dressing up like Clue Characters with me. 

Shane (Professor Plum) and Molly (Miss Scarlet) Kahler, Me (Mrs. Peacock),
Eric (Colonel Mustard), Krista (Mrs. White) and David (Mr. Green) McNurlen

One year I wanted to go as the Fun Police, but I could not find a female costume that was not slutty, and I didn't think the male costumes would fit right. I ended up as a "pop art" piece.

Not my favorite. But fairly original. And as a bonus my hoo-ha was not hanging out. 

I find that as a LARGE woman (I want to say "girl" but I think at a month shy of 40 I should stick with "woman") there is very little out there for me in the way of off the rack costumes. Which is fine. Because it makes me think harder to come up with something better. 

However, I have SO MUCH FUN looking up what crazy ass costumes are available to women now, that I just had to post a blog about it, complete with awesomely horrible photos that will make you question your faith in humanity. Here we go!

Let's start with the category: Ruining My Childhood with these "Retro Yarn Dolls." Or for those who don't recognize them: Cabbage Patch Dolls.

And for Cory... who could've had a Sexy Bert to go with his Ernie a few years ago: 

Every summer as a kid we'd travel to northern Minnesota where we would see Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox... that looked NOTHING like this... If Paul Bunyan was real, he'd be rolling over in his grave.

I can NEVER look at the Muppets the same again:

Or Scooby Doo (this is just all kinds of wrong):

Or my beloved Ninja Turtles (pre-Michael Bay):

Let's move on to the Food & Beverage category. Because who doesn't think food is sexy? 

We'll start with Beverages. I have always dreamed of being a bottle of Schlitz beer... 

If that doesn't thrill you, maybe this sexy array of condiments will get your mouth watering:

No? Fruits and veggies maybe? 

Or maybe fast food is more your speed?

I love the hamburger. She's all, "You want fries with this? Didn't think so!" 

Slightly related, but in the category of WTF... a female version of Ronald McDonald. Again I say WTF? I'm going to have nightmares.

Now that I made you vomit in your mouth a little... We're going back to the Food & Beverage Category... sub category Other Foods (this one's for Eric). Because who doesn't want to be a fortune cookie? Or Popcorn? 

Speaking of cookies, let's move onto another sub category: Sweets! Having worked in a candy store in high school and college, I am just LOVING (sarcastic font) these costumes! I should see if they have plus size... 

Now let's focus on Disney. Every little girl wants to be a Disney princess, right? Well, how about Snow White? She was a total babe. 

If you don't want to be a princess, you can be Mike or Sully from Monsters' Inc., Nemo, Buzz Lightyear, or Mickey or Minnie Mouse!

I seriously can't believe how many of these costumes are out there... I just checked my picture file, and I have a few more. 

Under the sea:

LOVE the placement of the eyes on the jelly fish. Creatures that sting, bite and pinch you sure are SEXY. I wouldn't get your "manhood" too close though... 

And FINALLY let me present to you the Sci Fi Category and dare you to watch Star Wars without thinking of these lovely ladies. It could make a good porn, actually... 

There are more, but I think I am running out of room... and probably your attention span. Although, it is a lot of pictures and few words this time around. If anyone shows up to Toxic Waste VI with one of these costumes... you're going to freeze to death since the party is outside. But good for you for having the cojones to try to pull it off! 

The End Of Summer

I've been seeing some clients I haven't seen in awhile and they are still asking how my summer was. It seems like it was so far away now that the days are so short and it's gotten chilly. 

All I can tell them is that it went by REALLY fast but I can't really think about all the stuff that happened. So I took a look at the calendar and my Facebook pictures.  

Jake had football practice most of the summer, so for many weeks, I only had him Wednesday night through Sunday night. Other weeks he wasn’t here at all. We had a lot of quality time with Ty, even though he had 4 weeks of Camp CF that he loved.

The boys had their last day of school right before Memorial Weekend and came to Cedar Falls to start their summer vacation. At the end of May we threw our annual summer bash. We decided we liked the White Trash Bash so much that we would throw a second one. 

It started off rainy and ended “with a bang” as Eric says. There was an “incident” up the street, where a bunch of people from Waterloo broke into a house and had a party, and someone was shot. Not something that happens in this neighborhood very often. It’s usually pretty quiet except for some craziness from the college crowd. It shook us up for awhile, but all has calmed down in the 'hood. 

I had been secretly planning a surprise HALF birthday party for Eric for the past year (because NO ONE wants to celebrate birthdays that close to Christmas). With the help of many friends and family members, he was completely flabbergasted. We had people from California, Texas, New Jersey, Minnesota and Illinois here. We had people who rearranged travel schedules and others that came a few days after they moved. It was awesome and overwhelming, and I am SO glad they took the time to make it happen. I’m glad I spent the hours planning it, even if I had to miss out on Tyler’s art being shown at the Art Festival in Des Moines. Thankfully my parents were able to attend and take some photos for me.

We attended the wedding reception of our dear friend Mike and his new bride Lynn in Kansas City. We were also able to squeeze in some time with another high school friend of ours, JoAnn, who let us stay with her for the festivities.

We saved our neighborhood albino owl.

I played 2 woman volleyball all summer on Sundays. I played on a 6-woman team on Tuesday and another on Wednesday. It was my go-to exercise for the summer, because I did not seem to have the time to go on bike rides, there was some flooding on the trails, and my bike was broken for half the summer.

Eric and I went in with another couple to create an LLC company and bought our first rental property. I spent MANY hours painting that property and putting in carpet tile. I hope the renters like it.

I played in 2 mud volleyball tournaments. After the first one in Dunkerton, we took the dogs and the boys to Backbone for our annual summer trek through the trout stream.

We got to celebrate one of our favorite people’s 40^th birthdays. Krista’s was the first of many we will experience this year, since we are all getting OLD. Although 40 doesn’t really seem old now that we’re here.

We spent a day at Lost Island Water Park where I went on almost ALL the water slides including this one:

The boys and I were able to coerce my father into letting the dogs on his boat for our first and only trip out on the river this year. 

I went to the State Fair for the first time in MANY years with my friend Nikki. It was fantastic people watching and the food was great too. It was also an awesome surprise to run into one of my best friends and bridesmaids - Kim Stonehouse and her son Zach, who looked to have grown a full foot since I’d seen him last.

I got to meet some awesome new women at my friend Mandie's bachelorette party. It was a BLAST and I had over 5000 steps on my Fitbit from midnight until 1:30 in the morning when we finally decided to stop dancing. We MUST do that again. 

We took the dogs to the closing day at the aquatic center, and made an awesome video of their time there. You need to watch this:

We decided to squeeze in a SUPER quick trip to Texas over Labor Day Weekend. It was a blast, and the least we could do after Woody and Nova made it to Iowa for Eric’s party.

It was a REALLY fun summer. It went by WAY too fast. So fast, in fact, that I completely forgot to buy fresh sweet corn from a road side stand. I think this is the first summer that has ever happened. And I can’t let that happen ever again.  I hope your summer was just as awesome. 

Nostalgia

My husband is an extremely sentimental person. He still has toys and books from his childhood, tools from his grandpa, and we even live in a house that his grandparents built. I, on the other hand, am the complete opposite. My parents gave me a plastic tote full of items from my childhood.  I sat down and went through everything. I kept the Indian head pennies. I tossed the candle I made for them in 1^st grade, the papers I wrote in grade school, my art projects in junior high. I took a photo of a cool “old lady who lived in a shoe” clay boot I made in 8^th or 9^th grade, and promptly dropped it into the trash. “Stuff” makes me crazy. I am surrounded by it and try to purge it often. This quirk of mine makes my husband crazy and I think he is going to will himself to outlive me just so I don’t get rid of all of his stuff.

If the house burns down or is swept away by a tornado, it is likely I will have to commit Eric to an institution because he will be completely distraught. I will be sad about losing some of the kids’ photos, but there are SO many photos of them, and will still be so many photos taken of them in the future that it doesn’t really matter that much to me. My parents and my ex have copies of most things. Digital photos are backed up on Facebook and other places you can reach from anywhere. My "stuff" I don't really care about. I can always buy new things. I've been wanting a new sofa anyway... 

There are a couple things that are irreplaceable though.

I own a piece of artwork that hung in my grandparents’ home (the Boesens) that I have had since my mid 20’s and it hangs in my dining room. I have a set of brass bells on a rope that those same grandparents had hanging up in their home. I’m still looking for a good place to put these, but they are hung in the basement for now. I think I might have a clay bowl that a great-grandmother made. A couple of milk glass vases. A set of "nude" lady porcelain drinking glasses painted by my maternal grandmother. None of those can be replaced. Because someone else's milk glass vase has no meaning for me. 

I have a couple of old photos that mean the world to me though. Thankfully the originals are with my parents, and I have digital copies, so they will never truly be lost. 

Betty and Louie Billick. Ada Boesen.

None of the people in this photo are still alive. On the right is my Grandma Boesen who passed away just after I turned 4. To this very day, cinnamon toast and Coca-Cola make me think of her. The other woman is her sister Betty. And the man is Betty’s husband, Louie. This photo was taken at Cattle Congress, behind Estelle Hall, where Betty and Louie ran a concession stand. It was still there during my child hood and I visited that concession stand at least twice every year during the fair. I especially remember getting 3 foot ropes of red licorice. It was the only place I’d ever had it.

The three of them look so happy in this picture. Aunt Betty’s smile was contagious. Uncle Louie’s kindness was unmatched. And my grandmother, well, I don’t know what to say about her except that she died way too young and I never really had the chance to know her. But I still miss her anyway. Maybe even more so because I feel robbed of time with her.

And this photo, with all of my grandparents at my parents’ wedding in August of 1971. I LOVE this photo too. 

Don and Ada Boesen. Norma and Howard Briden.

My maternal grandparents (on the right) are 90 and 91 and living in Sun City, Arizona. Eric and I drove out in February of 2013 for my grandpa's 90th birthday. I sadly could not make it this past March to my grandma's. I need to get out there again soon, because their health is rapidly declining. I'm just happy to have had almost 40 years so far with them. 

So my husband is wrong when he says I am cold hearted or not sentimental. I am. But I don't need a car or house or garden tool of my grandpa's to remember him. I have hours and hours of big band music that does just that. I have just a couple of items from my grandma, and that's enough. My Grandpa Briden made me choose one of his wood carvings when I was in Arizona last time, and I will have that after he passes. I wore some of my Grandma Briden's costume jewelry in my wedding 3 years ago. I don't need much "stuff"  in order to remember my loved ones who have passed on. My memories will suffice. And maybe when my memory isn't so fantastic anymore, and I don't remember much about them, I won't miss them so much. 

True Friends

I've been thinking about writing this post for awhile. It was even more on my mind after last week's surprise half birthday party for Eric, where friends came from California, New Jersey, Texas, Illinois, and Minnesota. They worked out complicated flight schedules, and even came during a completely inconvenient time (2 days after a move) just to show Eric their love. Then this morning I noticed this article (why-women-need-their-girlfriends) on an acquaintance from junior high and high school's Facebook page about friends, and how you need your friends even more as you grow older. So here goes.

I'm not changing any names in this post to protect anyone. 

My true friends mean the absolute world to me. I'm not the easiest person to get along with all the time, but I have many friends who know this and love me anyway. Then there are the people who are no longer friends, who were my very best friends, or so I thought. Here are a couple of stories.

I grew up next door to a nice older couple with 4 adult children and I think 14 grandchildren. One of those grandchildren was Leslie, who was 6 months older than me, and a year ahead in another school system. We spent our summers riding our bikes to the pool, talking about boys, and torturing my little brother. We had sleepovers, watched music videos and ate lots of junk food from the convenience store on the way back from the pool. We kept each other's secrets. We even stayed friends when I moved to Cedar Falls in 8^th grade, especially once she could drive, as we'd go to the mall and drive to the Cedar Falls pool. But Leslie was the type of girl who could only have one close friend at a time and I wasn't always it. She cycled between me and 2 other girls from her school. 

As adults, I was in her first wedding when she was 20. She had a daughter and was separated by the time I first got married, at age 23. She was Matron of Honor. I remember not being able to find her during the wedding party dance at my reception. She had gone home to change into something more comfortable. That's just how Leslie was. We spent the next several years in our on again off again friendship, through the birth of my 2 boys, her remarriage, and the birth of her son. There were several years we were not in contact, not even for Christmas cards. During this time I'd gotten a divorce and she'd had another child. We got pulled back together because her husband, and my boyfriend (now husband) Eric, bumped into each other at a poker game, and realized they had been in band together in high school. She and I had an awesome evening out, catching up, and Eric, the boys and I were invited to their house for a delicious chili dinner. But then things changed. I had been fighting a battle for custody of my kids to move them to Cedar Falls with me. I lost. She no longer wanted to be my friend because I should NEVER have let that happen. Instead of supporting me during the toughest time in my life, she disappeared. I sent her a sympathy card when her mom passed away a few years ago, but I've never heard from her again, nor do I ever expect to. And I don't think I want to. 

And then there's Jes. I was separated from my ex, living in a duplex in Urbandale when she moved in next door. She had just gotten a divorce, had 2 younger kids (her eldest and my youngest were the same age) and was a year younger than me. We had a lot in common and were soon bosom buddies. We went out, shared date stories, and told each other about our childhoods, our families and our failed marriages. We just clicked. The owner of our duplex passed away, and once her adult children got involved, the rent was going up a couple hundred a month for each of us. That was too steep for us, so we discussed finding a big place for all 6 of us. We found a townhouse in Ankeny. Her kids were part time and so were mine, so we sometimes had the place to ourselves, and sometimes we were overrun with kids, but it all worked out. We both bought groceries, we both cooked meals, we both cleaned. We still went out together and planned to write a book about our hilarious and awful dating stories. 

Then I met Eric. And I got a new job. And I started a custody battle for the boys, just months after the divorce was finalized. Then I lost said job, and the market crashed. I couldn't find work. I paid for my half of expenses for the remainder of the lease, but ended up moving back to my hometown of Cedar Falls with Eric.

She found an affordable apartment. Then she lost her job. She ended up moving into her ex-husband's old house (they were still good friends). Through all of this, we supported each other.

I got engaged. She found a new boyfriend. She moved in with him, got knocked up, and got married within 4 months. I did not show enthusiasm for her pregnancy because she had had 2 previous relationships where she proclaimed, "I'm going to marry him!" and within 6 months that "him" was declared a douche-bag and was dumped. She hadn't even made it that long with this guy. I was worried for her. I wrote her a long letter of apology explaining my reaction, and was blasted in her reply. She stopped talking to me, and since she was supposed to be in my wedding, I asked her if she still wanted to be my friend, because if not, I did not want her standing up for me. She eventually came around and said she wanted to be in the wedding. Her position in my wedding? You guessed it: Matron of Honor. 

Eric and I were the only ones to represent her at her intimate wedding at the grocery store where her first date with her husband had been. My wedding took place and she played an integral part, as she lost Eric's wedding ring during our April Fools' wedding, and made it truly memorable. (She later found it in her dress when she took it off that night.) I helped throw her a baby shower. I visited her after she had her baby girl. She was frankly a bitch and no fun to be around until she finally found a job selling flooring to builders. Then the "real" Jes came back. The one I knew and loved. All was well, until her ex asked me for interior design help for his friend who was opening a restaurant. Jes had him talked into vinyl plank flooring, but I talked him into carpet tile because of acoustics. She had said the carpet wasn't in her system at work, so I told him I could sell it direct. She called a week later to get pricing and was pissed that I had given it to him already. I immediately put up the white flag and said I refused to let something like this wreck our friendship. I gave her pricing that was better than I’d given him, but her bid to him was so high he could no longer afford the carpet. A month went by without her talking to me. I left messages and sent emails and texts. Her reply was to call Eric and tell him if I begged for her friendship I could have it. After the way she had made me feel numerous times, I refused. 

Our kids were in the same class that fall. She went out of her way to avoid eye contact at the Meet the Teacher event. The next spring at a chorus concert, she made sure to say hi to Eric, but again went out of her way to ignore me. I understand if you no longer have real time to be my friend, since you think you no longer need friends since you have a husband and HIS friends, but being cordial would be nice. 

It was hard moving to Cedar Falls and leaving my friends behind in Des Moines. I still see many of them for lunches while I'm in town. I still make appointments for my hair in Des Moines, just so I can spend time with Jennifer, who I have known since way before she became a kick ass stylist, and she's still around despite her turn as Maid of Honor in my wedding to Eric, so at least that position isn't cursed (though I don’t plan to have any more weddings). I'm lucky enough to have reconnected with a grade school friend, Nikki, who lets me stay at her place when I need to stay overnight in Des Moines. We've gone on a couple of road trips and always have a blast. Back home in Cedar Falls, I reconnected with my grade school best friend Ninya, (who of course is now moving to the Des Moines area) but I don't fear losing her friendship because of this. I also reconnected with my high school friend Amy (we also went to grade school together, but were merely acquaintances), who is also moving to Des Moines for work. These 2 moves make me sad, but I know I'm not losing these friendships. I just won’t see them as often. I have made other friends here, like Krista, who seems to be the exact opposite of Jes, in regard to her always making me feel wonderful about being me, and always puts me in a great mood. I am so happy I can call her my friend. And Dawn, who despite disliking me at our initial meeting, has decided I am not so bad after all. And I have her solely to thank for getting me involved in volleyball locally, where I have met so many other awesome women. And then of course there is Heather, who has been my friend since the middle of 8^th grade when she moved back to Cedar Falls. She’s the mother of 4 very active kids, so I don’t see her much, but we do email and catch up at lunch every so often.

I have friends that live far away that I don't talk to for months at a time, like Kim and Kate, but I know we can pick right back up where we left off. I have no doubts about our friendships.

I have girl friends I only know through Eric (Kim, Nova, Christine, Mandie, Molly, Arren) who I know I can call if I need to talk, or need advice, or just want to catch up. And then there’s the multitude of other friends in Eric's life who seem to love me by extension since they already love him.

I have awesome neighbors who bring me fresh eggs, come to our parties, hang out on our deck for a drink, or pop over at 11:30 at night because they see the lights on, to chat or heat up hot dogs in our microwave because theirs isn't working (Rowena, Sarah, Chris, Amy, Kevin, Angela, Eli, Briana, Jay, Katie, James). And those neighbors who have moved away, who we still see on occasion, or at least follow on Facebook to keep up on what's happening in their lives (Sarah, Chet, Mariah, Chris, Maria, Rory) and that I miss dearly since I no longer see them on a regular basis. 

Family seems obligated to love you (although I count a couple of cousins as friends, like Alexia and Sharon, and would hang out with them regardless of relation). But friends have a choice. They can walk away at any given moment, sometimes with no reason that you can understand. Sometimes it hurts even worse than breaking up with or divorcing a significant other, because they know you in a different way. I truly hope the friends currently in my life stay there indefinitely, and there are SO MANY more than are mentioned in this post. I appreciate and love them and will do my best to make sure they know they are important to me. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being my friends.