Spring Break summed up in 160 words.

Thursday: 7:30pm departure. E forgets sunglasses blocks away. Return home to retrieve. Pick up boys in DM, continue to San Antonio. Friday, eat at artsy place with acoustic music downtown. Saturday, St. Patty's Day parade in fron of the Alamo. River walk. Half rack of ribs. Sunday, tried Sea World but FAILED due to extreme cost. Took the kids to a park and they loved it. Overwelmed parking lot at tool store. Avatar 3D sold out in afternoon. Great dinner at Freebird Burritos. Avatar 3D with pre-purchased tickets at night was awesome. Monday, tried Enchanted Rock National Park, but so did everyone else. Turned around to check out Fredricksburg instead. Homemade meatball sub dinner with "Up In The Air" (kids watched "Shorts"). Tuesday, traveled to Dallas, traffic sucked, dinner with friends ROCKED! Left Dallas at 12:30am and headed to Kansas City for breakfast with another friend. Home by 3:30pm Wednesday. Hope the boys appreciate it. I know I do.

H A I R

I've been thinking about things recently that make me laugh, and hair is one of them. Let me start this post off by quoting a little bit of a short story, titled "I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass" by my favorite author, Laurie Notaro.

"It was not the firm, shiny loop that initially caught my attention. It was not.

It was the long, sinewy, arms, thin and stringy and so pale they were nearly light green, lifting up the twenty-pound bag of Sensitive Stomach dog food from the counter into the cart. As he lifted the bag, the owner of those arms grunted - no, no, no, forgive me, 'grunted' is too strong of a word, too gracious a word, too complimentary; mewled or whimpered is actually more accurate, much more precise a description - causing me to wonder what kind of nancy was wrestling with the bag, since I was the one who placed it on the counter to begin with and I can barely lift a jug of water with two hands.

And that is when, that is precisely when, I turned and saw it.

The Flippy Hair.

Flippy hair that was so extraordinarily flippy that any girl in the graduating class of 1978 would have eagerly traded her Sun-In Sassoon Gunne Sax Pearl White Tooth Drops soul for just a portion of that flip. Just a portion of it. It had kick, it had zing, it had pizzazz, it had chutzpah. The flip was absolutely amazing, it turned upward, away from the face, Farrah Fawcett-style, in an almost 360-degree loop all the way around the head like a halo. It looked like the creator had taken a bowl, a can of Aqua Net, and a wind tunnel and just went nuts. In the age of Chrissy, Jack, Janet, and nights spent sipping tequila sunrises at the Regal Beagle, it would have been the perfect hair, with the exception of one detail: It was on a guy.

It was on the guy with the linguine arms. And it looked stupid."

Oh how I love Laurie Notaro and her accurate and funny description of hair bad enough she wanted to kick it's ass. The following are some types of hair whose asses I would like to kick.

The Kate Gosselin:

I've seen A LOT of women with this hair cut, and they just look like bitches. They may be very nice people, but that's the image this hair gives off. This particular picture also illustrates my next hated hairstyle.

Skunk Hair:

I have never understood the obsession with dark hair on the lower half of your head and white/blond on the top. Really? What makes this cool? I'm thinking Pepe Le Pew....

Skater Hair:

My boys really want to grow their hair out. They have straight hair, and there's A LOT of it, so it would look so ridiculous. The kids with this hair are the same ones with their pants halfway down their butts with their boxers sticking out. I'm still not sure how gravity allows those pants to stay on.

The Skullet:

What cracks me up most about this, is that I was at Hy-Vee in Waterloo with Tyler (my youngest) last summer, and saw a skullet up close and personal. When the guy was out of earshot I started laughing. Tyler asked, "Whatcha laughing about, Mom?" I replied, "Nothing, Ty." Then he said, "That guy's hair?" So even a 5 year old thought it was funny.

The Comb-over:

WE KNOW YOU ARE BALD!! QUIT TRYING TO COVER IT UP!!

The Donald:

The $$ version of the comb-over. Donald, I know you think you have to keep your hair because it's an icon in it's own right, but you should seriously consider a new 'do!

I know that I am forgetting several that perplex me or tick me off or just leave me in awe, but at least those few should make you laugh (or in the case that it's your style, piss you off) but you at least know where I stand.

Hair, hair, o' glorious hair!!