Turning Tricks for Treats?

I LOVE Halloween. LOVE IT! It's my favorite holiday. Good thing too, because I married a guy who is a FREAK about it. We have a yearly party called Toxic Waste. This all started because Eric used to work on foreclosed homes, and we had access to A LOT of crap. Old tires and batteries, junked out furniture, and lots of empty containers from RV antifreeze he had to put down the drains to winterize. 

I try to plan my costume well ahead of the party. I knew by last year's party what I was going to be this year. And I think I know what I am going to be next year already. Last year was my favorite, as I suckered 5 other people into dressing up like Clue Characters with me. 

Shane (Professor Plum) and Molly (Miss Scarlet) Kahler, Me (Mrs. Peacock),
Eric (Colonel Mustard), Krista (Mrs. White) and David (Mr. Green) McNurlen

One year I wanted to go as the Fun Police, but I could not find a female costume that was not slutty, and I didn't think the male costumes would fit right. I ended up as a "pop art" piece.

Not my favorite. But fairly original. And as a bonus my hoo-ha was not hanging out. 

I find that as a LARGE woman (I want to say "girl" but I think at a month shy of 40 I should stick with "woman") there is very little out there for me in the way of off the rack costumes. Which is fine. Because it makes me think harder to come up with something better. 

However, I have SO MUCH FUN looking up what crazy ass costumes are available to women now, that I just had to post a blog about it, complete with awesomely horrible photos that will make you question your faith in humanity. Here we go!

Let's start with the category: Ruining My Childhood with these "Retro Yarn Dolls." Or for those who don't recognize them: Cabbage Patch Dolls.

And for Cory... who could've had a Sexy Bert to go with his Ernie a few years ago: 

Every summer as a kid we'd travel to northern Minnesota where we would see Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox... that looked NOTHING like this... If Paul Bunyan was real, he'd be rolling over in his grave.

I can NEVER look at the Muppets the same again:

Or Scooby Doo (this is just all kinds of wrong):

Or my beloved Ninja Turtles (pre-Michael Bay):

Let's move on to the Food & Beverage category. Because who doesn't think food is sexy? 

We'll start with Beverages. I have always dreamed of being a bottle of Schlitz beer... 

If that doesn't thrill you, maybe this sexy array of condiments will get your mouth watering:

No? Fruits and veggies maybe? 

Or maybe fast food is more your speed?

I love the hamburger. She's all, "You want fries with this? Didn't think so!" 

Slightly related, but in the category of WTF... a female version of Ronald McDonald. Again I say WTF? I'm going to have nightmares.

Now that I made you vomit in your mouth a little... We're going back to the Food & Beverage Category... sub category Other Foods (this one's for Eric). Because who doesn't want to be a fortune cookie? Or Popcorn? 

Speaking of cookies, let's move onto another sub category: Sweets! Having worked in a candy store in high school and college, I am just LOVING (sarcastic font) these costumes! I should see if they have plus size... 

Now let's focus on Disney. Every little girl wants to be a Disney princess, right? Well, how about Snow White? She was a total babe. 

If you don't want to be a princess, you can be Mike or Sully from Monsters' Inc., Nemo, Buzz Lightyear, or Mickey or Minnie Mouse!

I seriously can't believe how many of these costumes are out there... I just checked my picture file, and I have a few more. 

Under the sea:

LOVE the placement of the eyes on the jelly fish. Creatures that sting, bite and pinch you sure are SEXY. I wouldn't get your "manhood" too close though... 

And FINALLY let me present to you the Sci Fi Category and dare you to watch Star Wars without thinking of these lovely ladies. It could make a good porn, actually... 

There are more, but I think I am running out of room... and probably your attention span. Although, it is a lot of pictures and few words this time around. If anyone shows up to Toxic Waste VI with one of these costumes... you're going to freeze to death since the party is outside. But good for you for having the cojones to try to pull it off! 

The End Of Summer

I've been seeing some clients I haven't seen in awhile and they are still asking how my summer was. It seems like it was so far away now that the days are so short and it's gotten chilly. 

All I can tell them is that it went by REALLY fast but I can't really think about all the stuff that happened. So I took a look at the calendar and my Facebook pictures.  

Jake had football practice most of the summer, so for many weeks, I only had him Wednesday night through Sunday night. Other weeks he wasn’t here at all. We had a lot of quality time with Ty, even though he had 4 weeks of Camp CF that he loved.

The boys had their last day of school right before Memorial Weekend and came to Cedar Falls to start their summer vacation. At the end of May we threw our annual summer bash. We decided we liked the White Trash Bash so much that we would throw a second one. 

It started off rainy and ended “with a bang” as Eric says. There was an “incident” up the street, where a bunch of people from Waterloo broke into a house and had a party, and someone was shot. Not something that happens in this neighborhood very often. It’s usually pretty quiet except for some craziness from the college crowd. It shook us up for awhile, but all has calmed down in the 'hood. 

I had been secretly planning a surprise HALF birthday party for Eric for the past year (because NO ONE wants to celebrate birthdays that close to Christmas). With the help of many friends and family members, he was completely flabbergasted. We had people from California, Texas, New Jersey, Minnesota and Illinois here. We had people who rearranged travel schedules and others that came a few days after they moved. It was awesome and overwhelming, and I am SO glad they took the time to make it happen. I’m glad I spent the hours planning it, even if I had to miss out on Tyler’s art being shown at the Art Festival in Des Moines. Thankfully my parents were able to attend and take some photos for me.

We attended the wedding reception of our dear friend Mike and his new bride Lynn in Kansas City. We were also able to squeeze in some time with another high school friend of ours, JoAnn, who let us stay with her for the festivities.

We saved our neighborhood albino owl.

I played 2 woman volleyball all summer on Sundays. I played on a 6-woman team on Tuesday and another on Wednesday. It was my go-to exercise for the summer, because I did not seem to have the time to go on bike rides, there was some flooding on the trails, and my bike was broken for half the summer.

Eric and I went in with another couple to create an LLC company and bought our first rental property. I spent MANY hours painting that property and putting in carpet tile. I hope the renters like it.

I played in 2 mud volleyball tournaments. After the first one in Dunkerton, we took the dogs and the boys to Backbone for our annual summer trek through the trout stream.

We got to celebrate one of our favorite people’s 40^th birthdays. Krista’s was the first of many we will experience this year, since we are all getting OLD. Although 40 doesn’t really seem old now that we’re here.

We spent a day at Lost Island Water Park where I went on almost ALL the water slides including this one:

The boys and I were able to coerce my father into letting the dogs on his boat for our first and only trip out on the river this year. 

I went to the State Fair for the first time in MANY years with my friend Nikki. It was fantastic people watching and the food was great too. It was also an awesome surprise to run into one of my best friends and bridesmaids - Kim Stonehouse and her son Zach, who looked to have grown a full foot since I’d seen him last.

I got to meet some awesome new women at my friend Mandie's bachelorette party. It was a BLAST and I had over 5000 steps on my Fitbit from midnight until 1:30 in the morning when we finally decided to stop dancing. We MUST do that again. 

We took the dogs to the closing day at the aquatic center, and made an awesome video of their time there. You need to watch this:

We decided to squeeze in a SUPER quick trip to Texas over Labor Day Weekend. It was a blast, and the least we could do after Woody and Nova made it to Iowa for Eric’s party.

It was a REALLY fun summer. It went by WAY too fast. So fast, in fact, that I completely forgot to buy fresh sweet corn from a road side stand. I think this is the first summer that has ever happened. And I can’t let that happen ever again.  I hope your summer was just as awesome.