FATTITUDE

*WARNING*
This post is full of REALITY and swear words.

I thought I was fat in high school. I wish I could go back and bitch slap my 17-year-old-completely-delusional self. I mean seriously. I have about 100 pounds on that girl. What an idiot!

I gained the freshman 15 + another 35 or so in college. Gained more weight after getting married, moving to Des Moines and not being able to find a job for awhile. Gained more weight with my first pregnancy. The one benefit about being fat BEFORE you get pregnant is that you can fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans as soon as you get home from the hospital. Take THAT skinny bitches! (just kidding, I love you all and don't think you're bitches just because you're skinny).

I had a reprieve with my second pregnancy. I didn't gain much weight, and after Tyler's birth, I actually dropped below 200 for the first time in what seemed forever. I think it was honestly only 6 years, but it seemed like so much longer.

When I first got fat, I bought clothes that were much bigger than I actually was to try to hide my weight. And yes. I said fat. It's just an adjective. Like blonde, tall, funny, creative. Why give it a bad connotation? It's just a tiny little 3-letter word that accurately describes my extra adipose tissue. So what? The media and the website trolls...these are the people making the word bad. It's not. Anyway, here's a hint ladies (and gents)...that oversized clothing only makes you look bigger. It hides nothing. People aren't stupid. They can see you are fat. But they can also see you aren't comfortable with it. Some plus sized clothing that's available out there does NOTHING to make us look good. For example:

Courtesy of Zulily

And for the love of fashion, someone needs to rid the world of pleated pants and low rise jeans. Only the skinniest of the skinny girls can wear the latter and not have muffin top. And plumber's crack. Seriously. I miss the jeans Courteney Cox wore on the first season of FRIENDS.

While I was searching for pictures of the high waist pants on Friends, I came across this awesome picture of Fat Monica. I love that girl! She sure had fun despite being plus sized!

So yes, I am fat. But I am also able to play volleyball twice a week, and get on a bike and ride several miles. My cholesterol is fine as is my blood pressure. I haven't needed any knee or hip replacements. So despite all this extra adipose tissue, I'm pretty healthy.

Once I learned how to dress for my size, it didn't matter much anymore what that size was. I actually had more guys ask me out when I separated from my ex than I ever had in high school or college. I was an overweight mom with two kids in my 30's. And no one cared. Because I didn't care. I was comfortable in my own stretch mark covered, cellulite dimpled skin.

This year I am resolving to STOP focusing so much on the number on the scale. I'm going to just live life and see what happens. I've taken the MyFitnessPal app off my phone and iPad. Looking at that line graph of weight lost and gained gives me heartburn. 

This is literally my weight over the last 5 years. The beginning was not a steep drop, however. I changed my starting weight so I could feel better about myself when I lost a pound while weighing more than my original starting weight. Seeing "has lost 12 pounds" is much better than "has lost 0 pounds."

I've been unsuccessfully dieting for well over two decades and I am just DONE with it. Fuck it. If I am fat, I'm fat. I can still look good. Everyone can. You just have to dress for your weight. If you need help, just call me. I'd love some new shopping buddies!

Dress Up: Tulle Skirt from Charlotte Russe, Jacket from Express Men, Tank from Vanity
Casual: Jeans from New York & Co, shirt and vest from Maurices
Work: Pants from JCPenney, Tank from Vanity, Sweater from Zulily

I Made It!

I actually made it to 2017! And in one piece. One giant, blubbery, wrinkly piece, but one piece. 

I fell off the blogging wagon, mostly because I decided no one really cared what I had to say. Well, now I've decided that I don't care if no one cares... I like to write, so I'm going to. It just happens to be in the form of a blog. 

This year is already starting more optimistically than last. The end of 2015 was not a pleasant one for me, so the beginning of 2016 wasn't that awesome. Toss in some professional disappointment, relationship problems, and financial woes, and it sucked pretty hard. But I also decided to do a Happiness Project that lasted through May, where I wrote down something good that happened every day. I put more effort into my marriage. I let old grudges go. I worked hard at my job and scored a couple of nice projects. Despite so many of my childhood heroes falling victim to the Grim Reaper (mostly of their own doing...DRUGS ARE BAD, PEOPLE), as well as some family and friends, 2016 ended with more happiness than grief. And 2017 gets to start off with Betty White still alive, so there's that. 

I'm going to write in my blog whenever the fancy strikes me, instead of some arbitrary weekly date on my calendar. I'm going to write about interior design, food, how to dress a fat body (that keeps getting fatter so I'm just going to embrace it), organization, my new and devoted love of my Roomba I named Sherman, the crazy antics of my kids and my dogs and my awesome neighborhood. And of course I will also write about my wonderfully creative husband who just finished the final episode of the pirate web series he worked so hard on this summer and fall. Just Google "Charcoal Sails" and start with Episode 1. Even if you've already watched some of them, watching them back to back is pretty amazing. I highly encourage you to do this.

I will be thankful if you read what I write. I will be honored if you pass on what I write because you love it. But I also know everyone has their own lives to live, problems to work through, triumphs to share. So just know I'm thankful to you all for being a part of my world.

Below is how I rang in the new year. Surrounded by some pretty awesome people and a great time! Talk to you again soon! ~ N